What to Say on Tinder: Sex Hookup in 4 Messages

By | July 20, 2015

Tinder sex, hookup or date in 4 messages? Believe it. Exactly what to say on Tinder to get laid quickly and meet 5x more girls (example conversations included).

Picture of Tinder conversation with girl in bed

So you’re starting to get a few Tinder matches… that’s cool, congrats!

It’s a good feeling, especially since you’re matching with the type of girls that you actually want to meet – girls that you’d date casually and hookup with for no strings attached sex.

And maybe if you find a girl that’s really interesting, you’d be open to dating her with the potential for a relationship down the track.

…I get it :)

What I also get is that you’re finding it difficult to talk to girls on Tinder.

You’re an interesting guy, but you’re struggling with a few things when it comes to talking on Tinder:

  • Girls aren’t replying to your messages
  • You’re struggling to keep the conversation going
  • Girls seem to stop your conversation abruptly
  • Girls lose interest in what you say
  • You don’t really know the best way to flirt on Tinder
  • Your conversations are going stale – there’s no fun, no witty banter
  • You feel inpatient because your conversation goes on for ages
  • You’re not really sure when is the best time to ask for a girls number
  • You’re not really sure when is the best time, or if you should, ask a girl to meet up or go on a date

And because you’re struggling to talk to girls, because you don’t know what to say on Tinder… you haven’t been able to go from a Tinder match to physically meeting a girl… you haven’t been able to have a Tinder hookup, or all that Tinder sex that you’re after.

So you just want to know…

What do I say on Tinder so I can easily get a girls number, then physically go on a date, or hookup for some casual sex?

See, I told you I get it ;)

And that’s exactly what I’m going to tell you in this post.

I’m going to tell you what to say so you can easily talk your way to getting a girls number. I’m going to tell you what to say to get a date, hangout, hookup, or casual sex, locked in before you even leave Tinder

And best of all, I’m going to show you how you can do this super-quickly, time and time again, with girl after girl after girl… all without really changing much at all.

I’ll show you how you don’t have to be a ruthless asshole about it. How you don’t have to fit a certain profile – you don’t have to be a male model, you don’t have to change your personalty…. how you can still be totally yourself.

I’ll show you how it can be easy and fun.

And I’ll show you why you’re doing everything completely backwards when it comes to talking to girls on Tinder.

I know you’re excited to find what you should be saying on Tinder, so let’s get into it…

What to Say on Tinder First

Start The Conversation with a Good Opener

Tinder is a crowded jungle.

When you (try to) start a conversation with a girl, chances are she’s already talking with a few guys and has a handful (or more) of other guys that are trying to talk with her.

So when you send your cute little “Hi”, or “Hey, how was your weekend?” message to her to try and start a conversation, it’s no wonder she doesn’t respond… 10 other guys are saying the exact same thing as you!

Want proof?

Below are the “good” Tinder openers from an experiment that we did, revealing what messages a cute girl on Tinder receives:

Here’s the cute girl:Emily's Tinder Profile - Openers and conversation starters - Tinderseduction (small)

And here’s what guys said to her first up – these are their openers:

Picture of what guys say on Tinder 3Picture of what guys say on Tinder 1 Picture of what guys say on Tinder 2 Picture of what guys say on Tinder 4 Picture of what guys say on Tinder 6 Picture of what guys say on Tinder 7

Here’s what you probably noticed about what most of the Tinder matches said… Or rather don’t say: 50% of them didn’t even send a message, not a single message.

How Tinder conversations are started

And, you probably also noticed the other 50% send boring, generic openers like “Hi :)”

It’s alright for a girl to say what she wants on Tinder, or for a male model…. but for a normal, average guy like you, there’s only one decent option:

You need to take the initiative and start the Tinder conversation, and you need to stand out from the pack and grab her attention by sending a good opening message.

That’s what will give you the best chance of starting a fun, flirty conversation. That’s what will set you up to get her number, a Tinder date, Tinder hookup or Tinder sex.

So, What’s a Good Tinder Opener?

A good Tinder opener, one which demands a girls attention, has the these qualities:

  • It’s different – it’s not “Hi” or “Hey” or “How was your weekend”
  • It makes the girl feel some emotion and it makes her think – excitement, happiness, cheerfulness, flattery, confusion, maybe even slightly insulted. The more the merrier.
  • It’s tailored to her and to her profile – it uses her name, references and reflects her photos or profile.

Here’s an example:Screenshot of Siri Tinder Opener

FYI – That actually is a Siri pickup line (Siri’s got game!):

Screenshot of Siri You auto-complete me pickup lineImage Source: Quora

Or here’s another Siri line you could use.

Remember the intro:

  • You: So I just asked Siri what I should say to a girl with a cute smile on Tinder…
  • You: (Wait for her to reply)
  • Her: Haha what?
  • You: Siri said: Tell [Her Name]…
  • You: Is your name Bluetooth?… Because I’m really feeling a connection

Screenshot of Siri pickup line - is your name Bluetooth_connection

Image Source: Quora

Here’s another example of a great Tinder opener – it’s unique, it’s tailored and it evokes emotion:

Screenshot of a good tinder openerIt’s impossible for a girl not to respond to openers like that… And it’s impossible for a girl not to be intrigued and interested in you because you’re different, so going further in the conversation is easy.

How to write a Good Tinder Opener

Just be creative, like we were in these Christmas themed Tinder pickup lines that girls loved.

Although admittedly, being creative is easier said than done…

So if you’re like most guys and struggle being creative, you can use our POWER Messages that are in our free Date-Talk Cheat-Pack which you can download below..

Click below to download the free Date-Talk Cheat Pack that includes some amazing openers for you to use:

Click to Download Now

Now you know the first thing that you have to say on Tinder, let’s move on to really good stuff that will completely change the way you talk to girls on Tinder.

What to Say on Tinder After Starting a Conversation


Tinder Strategy

This second step is where Tinder strategy comes into play.

(You do have a strategy, don’t you?!)

There are a million different strategies and techniques to attract girls, both on Tinder and in-person.

There are countless approaches that will get you the Tinder dates, Tinder hookups and Tinder sex that you’re after.

Although, not all approaches or strategies are equal.

Some are easy, some are difficult.

Some take days and others minutes.

Some are almost certain while others are high risk.

And some are… well, just crap.

The method I’m going to show you today isn’t perfect either – there will be occasions when it doesn’t work.

After all, there’s no approach that works 100% of the time.

But I do consider this method to be one of the best, if not the best, when it comes to using Tinder to quickly and consistently meeting a lot of girls in person – not just collecting numbers, but actually getting real dates, hookups and sex.

This method is one of the best, if not the best, when it comes to quickly and consistently getting real dates, hookups and sex… Here’s why… This method is:

  • Highly successful – it squeezes the most physical meetups with girls from your list without being wasteful.
  • Incredibly rapid– quickly move from match to physical meetup, in as little as 4 messages.
  • Minimum effort– you can use the same, short-routine on each girl, without really thinking.

And perhaps best of all:

  • You can be yourself – You will always be true to yourself, and attract girls in a nice way… You don’t have to be a ruthless asshole to succeed, like some would have you think.

This method I’m going to show you is significantly different to the approach that most guys on Tinder use.

Why The Common Tinder Strategy Doesn’t Work

The majority of guys on Tinder have no strategy when it comes to using Tinder to meet up with girls.

They say “Hi” and then chat away randomly, hoping that the girl will miraculously say “let’s hangout”, or try and make the girl attracted to them by the sheer volume of conversation.

Other guys have a “strategy”, but they’ve based  it on what they’ve seen other guys on Tinder do. I call it the common strategy.

It’s no wonder then that this common strategy which copies the actions of most guys on Tinder is exactly the same as the no-strategy approach.

In the end, both groups don’t know what it takes to be successful on Tinder… it’s just that one group realizes they don’t know while the other doesn’t.

So whether a guy’s using no-strategy or using the common strategy (remember they’re the same thing), this is usually how it goes down when they’re trying to meet a girl off Tinder:

Picture of what most guys say on Tinder

Is that similar to what you say on Tinder when you’re trying to hookup or go on a date?

That’s ok…. it could work.


It’s filled with opportunities to fail. It’s filled with opportunities to crash and burn.

Here’s why:

It’s hopeful. The obvious shortfall with this approach is that the guy isn’t confident that he’s got a date until very late in the process (step 6). This means significant time and effort is wasted before he finds out that she’s not really interested in meeting up – he’s just wasted a week chatting to a girl who doesn’t want to meet him. Sound familiar?

It’s blind. Just like being hopeful, the guy isn’t completely sure if the girl wants to hookup, date, or just hangout until right at the end when he asks her out. If she only wants to hangout while he wants sex, he’s just wasted his time.

It’s a constant chase. The guy chases to get her number, then again he chases to hear, “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” It’s hard work and no fun. Then after all that he can only hope that girl turns up for the date. The harder a guy chases, the less attraction she will feel toward him. This is where severe disinterest sets in.

It takes a long time. The guy has to scramble to hold her attention and maintain her interest for an extended period. This is why conversation dries up or stops completely, causing a girl to lose interest. And the fact that the conversation revolves around boring topics doesn’t help.

A high flake rate. The time frame between asking for a date and going on a date is small. She might have only said yes to be nice or maybe she changes her mind, which means she’ll end up cancelling the meet up (aka flaking) at the last moment. This frequently happens to some guys , and they believe this sort of flaking is normal and expected on Tinder.

So you can see that the way most guys talk on Tinder is ineffective – it’s sluggish, it’s risky and it takes a lot of effort.

If you want consistent results you need to stop floundering on that treacherous date path that most guys follow… You need to start implementing a strategy that’s proactive and laser-focused.

I’m going to show you what this proactive and laser-focused strategy is and exactly how you can use it to meet up with a load of girls.

The strategy will make things a hell of a lot easier and quicker for you…

Cultivate a Date: Plant the Seed with Date-Talk

**When I say “date” from here on I’m using it as a substitute for any meet up. It could be an actual date, a hookup or a casual hangout – I’ll tell you more about it later.

This is the turning point which flips the common Tinder strategy on it’s head.

Rather than asking for a date at the very end of the Tinder interaction, the topic of a date is raised at the beginning of the Tinder conversation.

It means that instead of waiting for the “perfect time” to ask for a date, you raise the topic of the date as quickly as the conversation allows.

Remember that this isn’t a request for a date, it’s simply bringing date-talk in as a topic of conversation.

It’s called Planting The Seed – it’s where you subtly (or not so subtly) plant an idea in their minds, creating an image about your (possible) date experience.

The seed that you plant will be fed by her imagination, and over time it will crystallize into a definite date-expectation that excites her.

It sounds a little airy-fairy, I know, but all it basically means is you mention a possible date which gets girls thinking about actually meeting you.

It transforms you from just another Tinder-guy in the crowd to a guy that she’s thinking about meeting up with. And that’s no small thing.

It transforms you from just another Tinder-guy in the crowd to a guy that she’s thinking about meeting up with. And that’s no small thing.

Giving you a leg-up from the rest of the Tinder competition is just one reason why bringing date-talk into the conversation early works so well, here are more:

  • Date-talk provides a clear path Early date-talk gives your conversation direction and purpose, a light at the end of the tunnel. You won’t have to bounce from (boring) topic to (boring) topic, hoping that somehow you randomly hit the jackpot and get a date. You and the girl will both be on the same page, which means you’re able to progress to a physical meetup quicker. It’s lean and efficient.


  • Date-talk is amazing conversation fodder Date-talk is one of the juiciest topics to talk about on Tinder, it’s lustful and interesting so it’s almost impossible not raise feelings of excitement and happiness. Leaving that topic out until the end of the process is incredibly wasteful, yet most guys don’t even realize what they’re missing. Rather than being a short and awkward topic after getting a girl’s number, date talk should become a pillar of your Tinder conversations – the ultimate seduction tool in your arsenal.


  • Date-talk smashes through communication and attitude barriers The majority of Tinder conversations are spent tip-toeing around the elephant in the room: you both find each other attractive, you both sort of want to meet up, but you feel like you need to play a game to avoid the topic. Date-talk is like releasing a pressure valve, with the result being completely open and honest communication. It’s refreshing.


  • Date-talk maximizes anticipation Have you noticed how you’re more excited when you’re about to go on vacation than you are coming home? That’s because of anticipation, an incredibly powerful emotion. Bringing up date talk early in the conversation means you can squeeze out all the anticipation from this juicy topic, leaving nothing behind.


  • Date-talk is less work for you You don’t have to chase. The seed that you plant will grow into anticipation and make her feel excited. After that it will bloom into expectation so that going on a date is a certainty… Because of that, going on a date is no longer a question of IF, but WHEN, which means you never have to ASK. The clunky and scary “So would you like to go on a date with me?” proposal is no longer an issue for you.


  • Date-talk is confident Most girls love being led – it’s like you’re reading them an exciting story where they’re the main character. And because the date is implied, you’ll never have to ask (or grovel) for a date meaning you can maintain a confident persona. You’ll be certain of your date much earlier, giving you piece of mind.

Rather than following the long and treacherous “Will you go on a date with me?” path that’s full of hard work, plant the seed early and let her imagination do all the hard work for you.

But wait, what if she doesn’t want to go on a date?

So what happens if your conversation breaks down during date talk?

What if she says she doesn’t want to go on a date or hang out with you?

Well… That’s a FANTASTIC outcome!

It seems strange to think that, but the reason is simple…

Because rather than wasting your time and energy on a dud prospect, which would happen if you left date talk to later in the conversation, you can instead focus your efforts on high-potential Tinder targets.

By rapidly filtering your high-potential matches, you’re able to concentrate your efforts on those that will give you the best results, making your Tinder successes skyrocket!

How to Raise Date-Talk and Plant The Seed

So now that you know how powerful this method can be, here’s how you do it:

1. Look for an opportunity to strike while the iron is hot.

The best time to plant the seed (raise date-talk) is when your conversation is going well and she seems reasonably interested in you – it could be after you make her laugh, after she compliments you or after she’s asked you a series of personal questions (which demonstrates interest).

You want to do it as quickly as the conversation allows – it might be immediately after your opener, or it might be your 5th or 6th message.

2. Once you see your opportunity, raise the idea of your meet up.

Remember that you always have the ability to guide the conversation wherever you want. Funneling the conversation toward the topic of your date is no exception, and it’s incredibly easy.

You simply pick a comment or topic out of your current conversation and link it to your date.

The suggestion for the date should flow smoothly from conversation, with an air of acceptance that the first date is a given between the two of you and incorporating a hint of humor.

You can do it by relating the current conversation topic to a date:

Screenshot of raising Tinder date-talk

Remember initially you’re just casually raising the topic of the date – keep it lighthearted.

Or you can simply bring up the date topic from out of nowhere:

Screenshot showing how to raise the date topic

3. Provide simple imagery of a positive date/meetup experience.

This will create a vision in her mind and start to build the anticipation of your date.

This step can be incorporated when you raise the topic (2) or immediately after.

Be descriptive but don’t go overboard; you want to give her mind enough room to fantasize.

Dangle the date before her eyes and let her mind do the rest.

For my favorite lines that do a great job of describing a fun, flirty and intimate date, download the free Date-Talk Cheat Pack (click below).
Click to Download Now

That’s it! … Once you’ve completed step #3 the date will be well and truly planted in her mind.

It’s now an expected event rather than a possible or even unlikely event – which is exactly what you want.

Using Tinder for Sex, a Hookup or a Normal First-Date

Picture of Tinder hookup

Whether you want a Tinder hookup, a date with a relationship in mind, or countless nights of Tinder sex, the date-talk method is still the same.

The only change that you need to make is in relation to the meet up that you describe (step #3 above).

If you’re only looking for sex, then you need to subtly (or not so subtly) allude to this, rather than creating expectations of a normal date which will potentially lead to a relationship.

It’s best to be completely open and honest about what you’re looking for.

If you want an intimate meet up, don’t say you want a date and pretend you’re looking for a relationship – you’ll be wasting the girls time and you’re own.


But you can’t just say “come over to my place and enjoy intercourse”… well you can, but your success rate will be low because that description is not seductive or intriguing.

So spruce your description up a bit.

Rather than “come over and have sex”, use a very basic description like “we’ll kick back, watch some netflix with chocolate-chip ice cream and cuddle on the couch…” which is a much better alternative.

It doesn’t specify “sex” exactly, but it gives and indication that an intimate evening can be expected, and will most likely lead to sex.

Here’s an example of a girls description for a date – after being asked directly what she wanted to do on a date:

Cuddle-fest meant sex – she said (and demonstrated) this after she wrote this message.

But be mindful of how the girl responds to your descriptive suggestion, because she might just think all it means is Netflix and innocent cuddles!

For specific examples of descriptions that you can use for intimate dates, download our free Date-Talk Cheat-Pack (click below)

Click to Download Now

Your Opportunity for Tinder Sex

There is endless opportunity for fun and casual hookups on Tinder.

There’s absolutely no reason why you can’t have sex with a different girl each night of the week using this method (it happens!)…


Tinder girl's legs

lonely Tinder selfshot

There a girls that are looking for the exact same thing as you, and that’s great.

But it should be noted that although there’s potential to go on a date with almost every one of your Tinder matches, the proportion of girls who will be open to sex on the first meeting is lower.

Fence sitters who don’t normally hook up on the first date can be swayed. But in any point in time, there will be fewer girls who are freely open and comfortable with having sex with a stranger from Tinder on the first meeting, compared to second or subsequent dates.

If sex is all you want, you’ll be able to fulfill your needs more consistently with some patience by going on two or more dates.

With each successive date you go on the probability of more intimate meet ups will increase.

Generally, it’s the third or fourth date that will produce what you desire.

Who knows, with a little patience you might even build a great relationship!

But keep in mind that with each successive date, the bond, emotions and expectations between you and the girl will also change.

This comes with an inherent responsibility to manage those relationships – for the sake of the girls you are meeting and also to avoid unenviable and messy circumstances.

What I’m saying is go for what you want, but also be aware of what they want and be respectful.

With that said, let’s wrap it up!…

What to say on Tinder to Get a Girls Number

Let’s recap what the girl has been thinking up until now

  • She’s attracted to you – you matched!
  • She was intrigued and interested after you sent a good opener.
  • She’s enjoying flirting with you (with date-talk).

She’s interested in meeting up with you (confirmed by date-talk).

That’s basically everything you need to progress to a date or hookup – which is pretty cool considering that you would have achieve it in just a few short messages and in a matter of minutes.

Now, you could continue flirting and enjoying the conversation… but that will only increase the risk of having the conversation turn stale, or stop completely.

You’re already in a winning position: you’ve got the meetup.

You can’t get in a better position that that…

BUT, you CAN go backwards by talking too much and having the conversation go stale.

So it’s always best to recognize when you’re going well and don’t push it – having her (and you) wanting more is always a better option than overdoing it… Less is more!

Now the only thing you need Tinder for is getting her number.

Previously, when you were using the common Tinder strategy, you might have found it difficult, and a little scary to get a number… because really, you had no reason to ask for it.

There was no future expectation of anything happening, so you just would have hoped that she would offer it up you.

But now that exact same task becomes easy because you have a strong reason for requesting it – you’ve got a meetup to organize. So all you need to say is something like:

“What’s your number so we can organize the details of our [insert meetup description]”

Picture of what to say to get a girls number on Tinder

Done. Easy.

You’ve acquired her number, she’s interested in you and she wants to go on a date with you!

Pretty cool, huh!?

You now know exactly what to say on Tinder to get what you want :)

…But there’s just one more thing.

You also need to know what NOT to say on Tinder so your dates and hookups don’t fall down the drain because you say the wrong thing.

What Not to Say on Tinder

Conversation Mistakes

A lot of the time if you simply avoid conversation mistakes, you’ll impress the girl you’re talking to by default.

Here is the list of errors you need to be aware of and avoid at all costs.

  • Don’t focus on boring information and topics. Avoid topics like the weather, work and school, which people talk about every single day. Your greatest danger is routine and familiarity.


  • Don’t be afraid to fail – to be bold and take risks. If you always tiptoe around, you’ll never make an impression on your Tinder target. Treat Tinder like the game it is; try out different methods and approaches. If something fails, learn from it and then play again.

If you always tiptoe around, you’ll never make an impression…

  • Don’t argue and get defensive. You should bend like the branches in the wind, always staying calm and collected.


  • Don’t make the mistake of asking lots of questions in an effort to create conversation. Your conversation shouldn’t be an interrogation filled with interview-style questions and answers. Have you ever noticed how old friends speak in statements? Their conversation isn’t a series of back and forth questions, but rather interesting statements that feed off one another.


  • Don’t be negative. Nagging, criticism and complaining are ugly qualities that will bring the mood of the conversation down.


  • Don’t overshare. Oversharing leads to boredom and familiarity. It’s a great paradox – the less she knows about you, the more she’ll want to know. Getting to know each other isn’t a race, so don’t force it. Let it happen naturally.


  • Don’t tell her directly that you’re a nice or funny guy. It reeks of desperation and insecurity. Great guys don’t need to tell people they’re nice or funny. It will reveal itself naturally through the conversation.


  • Don’t unnecessarily apologize. Apologizing unnecessarily to a girl you only started chatting with is the quickest way to turn her off you. If you make a mistake or say an unfunny joke, don’t run or hide from it – own it! Learn from the experience and don’t dwell on it, she’ll quickly forget.


  • Don’t make the mistake of over-complimenting girls to make them feel good. They receive the same compliments every day. Give them an occasional and unique compliment and it will keep them wanting more.


  • Don’t let conversations affect your emotions. Keep yourself busy, have conversations with lots of girls and don’t stress if they don’t reply straight away.


  • Don’t be overly persistent. You may think that overwhelming your Tinder target with attention will convince her of your affection – instead it will convince her of your impatience and insecurity.


  • Don’t talk too much about yourself. The conversational focus should be on her – everyone’s favorite topic is themselves. When girls say things like, “He was so interesting” or “He is so easy to get along with,” sometimes it’s just a substitute for, “I was the focus of the conversation, and it made me feel good.” Plus, when you’re focusing on your Tinder target, you’ll be less self-conscious, which will make you seem more confident.

If you avoid the conversation mistakes you’ll be likely to impress the girl you’re talking to automatically.

What to Say on Tinder: Summary

Full Tinder Conversation and Message Examples

Here are a couple of full examples of what to say on Tinder using the method that we’ve been through, all the way from start to finish:Screenshot of Date-talk Tinder conversationScreenshot of Date-talk Tinder conversationScreenshot of Date-talk Tinder conversationScreenshot of Date-talk Tinder conversation    And here’s the rest of the Siri conversation I showed you earlier: Screenshot of Siri Tinder Opener Picture of Siri Conversation on Tinder appPicture of Siri Conversation on Tinder app Picture of Siri Conversation on Tinder app

That goes to show how quick and easy it can be to get a girls number, and get a date or Tinder hookup lined up.

Four messages is not out of the ordinary. But there’s no need to race, anywhere from 4-12 messages will be fine.


A Tinder match means you’re both attracted to each other and you’re both (kind of) interested in meeting up.

So talk about meeting up, flirt and have fun discussing your potential date.

Be honest about what you want, but say it in an a way that’s enticing.

Then when you’re both excited for meeting up, get her number and meet up!

…It all seems pretty obvious how you can easily get a date or hookup using Tinder, doesn’t it? ;)

Download the Date-Talk Cheat Pack and get an easy step-by-step checklist that you can follow during your live Tinder conversations, the most successful lines you can use to bring up date-talk, 4 POWER Tinder openers to start the conversation with a flirty-BANG, more examples of full conversations that you can copy, AND what to do once you get her number..

Click on the Download Now button below to get your Date-Talk Cheat-Pack… Click to Download Now

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