Did you know that you could say all the right things on a Tinder date… but still end up getting rejected because your body language or confidence sucks?
Sadly, it’s true.
So if you don’t want to fail on your next date, you should read this Body Language Guide for Tinder Dates because you’ll learn:
- how to be more confident on Tinder dates… even if you’re usually nervous or anxious
- how to make women feel good when they’re around you
- 10 body language signs women use to say “I like you” on first dates.
And best of all, the stuff in this guide is easy enough that you can use it tonight if you wanted.
Your Tinder First Date
Imagine that you’ve just arrived at the restaurant or bar for your Tinder first date.
You’re searching the room full of strangers trying to find the girl you’re meeting, until finally, someone familiar catches your eye.
It’s her. The girl you like from Tinder has just made eye contact with you.
There’s a lot of nervousness, but underneath all those nerves you’re feeling super-excited.
As scary and as awesome as this moment is, the girl you’re meeting is about to do something to make the moment even more intense for you: she smiles…
The First Date Smile
That smile she’s going to give you will be beautiful.
It’s the pure kind of smile. The kind that manages to escape no matter how cool, calm, and collected she tries to be.
You don’t need me to tell you that smiling is a good body language sign – it’s clear that you want her smiling as much as possible!
But I want you to remember something really important about this first smile she gives you. That smile is her telling you:
“I’m just as excited for this date as you are. And like you, I’m hoping this is going to be great. I’m hoping we are going to be great.”
To put it another way, that warm and happy and heart-pounding feeling you have at the start of your first date is exactly what she’s feeling as well.
Make sure you remember that because it’s important for your confidence. You’re not alone in how you feel. The girl you’re meeting is excited to meet you as well.
Now, although she’s going to smile at you when you meet, you should make an effort to be the first one to smile. Take the lead here.
That’s because when you smile you’ll be making her feel comfortable and helping improve her mood.
That’s a good thing because if she’s feeling comfortable and safe then she’s going to like you more right from the start of your date.
So make sure you smile first because that old saying is incredibly true:
“When you smile, the world smiles back.”
Never forget the power of your smile. It’s the first thing you can do to start creating a connection and get your first date going smoothly… even if you’re both nervous as hell!
Next we’ll look at open body language on Tinder first dates.
Open Body Language on Tinder First Dates
I’ll never forget this unusual first date I went on.
It was a Saturday night and I was sitting down in a cozy restaurant enjoying the ambiance, waiting for my date arrive.
When she finally walked through the door, I was quite surprised, as were the other people around me.
As I stood up to greet her, I couldn’t help but notice the small restaurant filled with people suddenly went quiet. It was like everyone stopped their conversations to look at this woman – my date – who had just walked in.
What the restaurant patrons and I saw was my date walking in wearing a very tight white dress that showed her every curve (and more).
To top it off, she had fiery-red hair that made her stand out even more.
From the very first moment it was clear that this woman was obviously very confident and comfortable about herself and her body, and was more than happy to show it off in the way she did.
What kind of body language do you think she had?
Well, after we hugged hello, she stood there in front of me like this:
(Her dress looked similar as well, only it was much more see through.)
She was confident and comfortable so she had open body language.
Open body language, as the name suggest, is when the body opens up and reveals vulnerable areas like the chest and stomach. It also takes up more space.
This type of body language is saying, “I’m feeling confident and relaxed. I’m vulnerable but I’m comfortable with it.”
Basically all is good.
My date in the tight white dress was an extreme version of first date confidence, but if your date is feeling comfortable you’ll be able to tell because she’ll mostly have open body language, like this:
If the girl you’re meeting has body language like this it’s more than likely she’s feeling positive and comfortable – and that’s generally a pretty good sign that she’ll be easy to get along with.
If that happens, that’s awesome for you.
Now I don’t want you to be worried , but at the start of your date there’s a fair chance that the woman you’re meeting is not going to have this this kind of positive body language.
Let me explain…
First Date Nerves and Closed Body Language
At the start of your first date the girl you’re meeting is probably going to have a little closed body language – her arms and legs will come across her body, like this:
Those vulnerable areas like the stomach and chest get covered up and she’ll take up less space.
This closed body language means she’s feeling a little shy, nervous, or uncomfortable at that moment in your date.
If she puts both arms across her body and closes up more, it generally means that she’s more uncomfortable (or not as good at hiding her discomfort) than if she just had one arm across her body:
Now, I’m sure you’ll agree that it can be kind of scary to show up on a first date and see your date closed-off to you like this.
That’s because even if we might not consciously acknowledge what a girl’s body language means, we definitely sense it on some level. We get a feel for her vibe straight away. I’m sure you know what I mean.
So if a girl has closed body language we quickly sense her negativity. What sucks about that is that it can make us feel like we’re being judged and rejected – it can make us think things like:
“She doesn’t like the way I look… she doesn’t want to be on a date with me… she doesn’t like me”
That’s not a good feeling to have when you’re meeting a girl you really like for the first time, especially when you’re a little nervous to begin with.
But you have to remember something important: women can get just as nervous as you on first dates.
Even the most confident, beautiful, and intelligent women can feel nervous at times. Here’s an example of a woman explaining how nervous she gets on first dates:
Nerves on a Tinder First Date
Another date I had was the complete opposite of the girl in the tight white dress.
Not only did she have closed body language when she showed up, it was the worst of the worst… she was doing the self-hug, like this:
This is what people do when they feel uneasy and are trying to comfort themselves.
When I got up to greet her, she stood with her feet planted tight-together, practically frozen in place, like this:
At the time I couldn’t really tell if she was cold, nervous, scared, or wasn’t attracted to me at all. I just knew that she didn’t feel good.
Luckily, over the next few minutes I was able to make her comfortable and open up so she could be herself and enjoy our date.
A month later when we were in a relationship, she told me that she’d never been on a proper first date before and for some reason going on a date scared the hell out of her!
She said she even needed a few glasses of wine before the date just to calm her nerves and muster up enough courage to show up.
So her closed body language at the start of the date didn’t mean she disliked me or thought I was unattractive. In fact, it wasn’t even really about me at all…. She had closed body language simply because she was nervous about doing something she hadn’t done before.
This is something that happens with a lot of people, both men and women.
So what’s the lesson here?
Well, if you show up on your date and get a scary negative vibe from the girl in the first 10 minutes, don’t automatically assume that there’s something wrong with you. You’re probably fine :)
It’s more likely that she’s just nervous about being on a Tinder date.
Remember, by time you and her are on your Tinder date all these things have happened:
- she liked your Tinder profile enough to match (that means she finds you attractive)
- she enjoyed her Tinder conversation with you (that means she likes your personality)
- she wanted to go on a date with you (that means she wants to spend time with you)
They’re all great signs that she’s going to like you and enjoy herself with you!
The reality is, if she shows up with closed body language it’s not because she’s rejecting you. She’s probably just a little nervous or shy because she actually likes you a lot!
First Date Comfort and Confidence
Now let’s talk about your body language.
Here is some closed body language that you don’t want to display on your first date:
And you don’t want to fold up and minimizing your size in any way, especially not like this extreme example:
Can you imagine being a woman on a date and meeting a guy with any of that kind of body language?
You know what she’ll be thinking:
“He’s nervous… and he’s making me feel nervous.”
“He doesn’t like the way I look… He doesn’t want to be here with me… He doesn’t like me”
It’s exactly what we think when women on dates do it to us!
She’ll feel judged, uncomfortable, nervous, awkward, and rejected.
They’re all the ingredients of a terrible first date!
You might really like her and she might really like you, but because you both have closed body language during your date, you both go home thinking that the other person didn’t like you. That’s how destructive closed body language can be – it can ruin a date that would have otherwise been great!
So what you really have to do is make a conscious effort to maintain open body language. You want to use your body language to help her feel comfortable, accepted, invited, and at ease.
(Remember, if she’s feeling comfortable then the chances of her liking you will increase a lot!)
That open and confident body language of yours will look something like this:
At the very least, you don’t want close up and shrink. Avoid all closed body language and you’ll be fine.
Ideally though, you’re going to be standing tall, proud and with your shoulders back.
So while you’re waiting for her to arrive on your date, you should literally be thinking:
“When she arrives – stand tall, smile, and keep my body language open.”
Repeat it over and over in your mind….
“When she arrives – stand tall, smile, and keep my body language open.”
Got it? Good :)
The other cool thing about this kind of body language is that it’s going to help you instantly feel more confident on your dates because body language goes both ways.
If we’re feeling comfortable and confident it shows in our body language. But the reverse also holds true: if you have comfortable and confident body language (even if you’re a little nervous), then it won’t be long until you start to feel comfortable and confident.
Using body language to “fake it till you make it” is a legitimate strategy for feeling confident on first dates.
First Date Body Language Warning
Here’s a little warning…
Even though you know your body language should be kept open, be aware that your body will be trying to do the complete opposite.
While you’re waiting for the girl to arrive you’ll be standing tall with your arms by your side – everything will be going well. Then all of a sudden your arms will start to feel restless and weird, like they’re out of place.
You’ll get an insatiable urge to close up your body language to a “safer” position, most probably by putting your hands in your pockets or crossing your arms, like this:
As soon as your arms cross or go into your pockets, your body will try to fool you by saying:
“That’s better, I’m nice and safe with my hands are in my pockets. I feel more comfortable like this.”
Don’t listen! It’s a lie!
When you close up, you may feel comfortable for a short time, but very quickly you’ll actually become more nervous. To stay confident you want to keep your body language open.
To do this, keep your arms by your side in a relaxed and confident kind of way, like this:
Or if your arms still feel restless and like they need something to do, you can gently clasp your hands behind your back for a little while, like this:
This simple open posture is highly confident.
You don’t want to stay in the hand-clasp position for a long time because you’ll look like a bit of a weirdo that’s overly formal, but for short periods it’s a great way to keep your hands busy and keep your feeling comfortable.
The other thing you can do is leave your hand(s) in your pockets, but take out your thumbs, like this:
It’s a little weird I know, but displaying your thumbs like this is a body language signal that says: “It’s cool… I’ve got this under control.”
And to a woman on a first date, you having things under control is something she will find incredibly attractive and comforting.
Again, you want to keep your hands uncrossed and out of your pockets. If your arms feel a little restless or out of place, clasp your hands behind your back or put them in your pockets while leaving your thumbs out. Do this and you’ll instantly feel more confident.
And since you’ll look cool, calm, and collected, you’ll be much more approachable to the girl you’re on your date with. You’ll be helping her feel much more comfortable as well.
You remember what that means, right?… If she feels comfortable then it’s more likely that she’ll like you.
Starting Your First Date Again
After saying hello and giving her a hug, you’re now sitting down at your table looking across at each other.
Now don’t think the hard part is over, because even though you’re passed that first introduction, when you sit down it’s like your date starts all over again.
This can be scary because this is the time when awkward silences are likely to happen.
As a result of that nervous energy and excitement, the girl is still likely to have some closed body language, like this:
That’s okay, this is pretty normal.
Even though that “oh shit, she doesn’t like me” feeling will come up again, it’s okay, you can relax because she’s probably still nervous – after all, she’s now face-to-face with the guy that she’s been admiring on Tinder for the last few days (that’s you!).
You have to remember it takes a lot of courage for some people to show up on a first date, just like that girlfriend of mine who had to have some wine before our date. Meeting someone completely new and interesting and attractive (that’s you!) isn’t always easy.
This nervousness will also show up in other body language signals, like arm barriers.
An arm barrier is when the arm goes up between the two of you, as a kind of protective shield.
In the picture below you can see the girl has an arm barrier (her drinking hand) and the guy also has an arm barrier (his left arm).
These arm barriers are a clear sign of first date nervousness and awkwardness.
Assuming he likes her, it really sucks because he’s actually making it harder for himself. He’s making it harder for them to talk, to open up to each other and to touch each other.
To make this situation much more comfortable and natural, all the guy needs to do is simply drop his left arm to his side and get it out of the way.
Doing that would make him more confident and make the girl feel more welcome and comfortable.
Here’s another example:
It’s these kind of little body language tweaks that can make your Tinder first date so much better!
When it comes to the basics of body language, this is pretty much all you need to know.
You just have to keep your body language open and be aware of how open her body language is.
See, body language on first dates isn’t hard.
Now, let’s go a step further with something you’re really going to love to find out…
10 Signs a Girl Really Likes you on Your Tinder First Date
After the first 5 or 10 minutes of sitting down and chatting, the girl’s nervous body language will slowly melt away as she begins to feel comfortable with you.
The fact that you can see that she’s comfortable is going to help you feel a lot better about things, which is great, but…
You don’t just want to know if she’s comfortable, do you?
No… you want to know if she likes you!
It’s okay, I’ve got you covered :) Here are 10 body language signs that the girl you’re on a first date with likes you.
1. Hair Flick/Twirl
When a girl plays with her hair on your Tinder first date, you can generally take it as a great sign that she finds you attractive.
In fact, you’ll almost definitely see her playing with her hair in the first 10-15 minutes of your date.
It might be one quick touch to check that her hair is in the right place, like this:
Or maybe she’ll curl it through her fingers as she listens to you talk, like this:
Maybe she will move it behind her ear (showing off the sensual area of her neck), like this:
Or maybe she’ll play with her hair seductively, like this:
Like most body language, this kind of hair play happens pretty much unconsciously.
It’s her way of saying, “I like you, I care what you think about me, and I want to look good when I’m around you.”
We do the exact same thing – usually it’s just one quick hand that’s combed through the hair, like this:
Just like women, we preen ourselves pretty much automatically when we’re around someone we like, and hair is the first thing we attend to.
2. Sticky Eye Contact
Another attraction signal you’ll see on your Tinder first date is increased eye contact.
After sitting down for a while and talking to her normally you’ll start to get this strange vibe from her. It’s the way she’s looking at you…
She’ll give you a “sticky” kind of eye contact that stays stuck on you.
It’s as though you’re the most interesting person in the world to her at that point in time.
(When she likes you on a first date, you actually will be that most interesting person in the world to her right then!)
To be honest, if it’s your very first Tinder first date, then this amount of eye contact and intense attention from a cute girl can be a little intimidating. But it’s also nice :)
So when you’re go out with a girl and she starts looking at you in a way you’ve never been looked at before, relax and enjoy it. Give her a good amount of eye contact in return (without going overboard) and you’ll double your chance of going on a second date with her.
Eye contact truly is one of the most beautiful and connective parts of a first date.
In fact, it’s so connective that if you had an entire first date where you simply looked into each other’s eyes without saying a word, you’ll still become more attracted to each other.
3. Leg and Feet Direction
If you’re seated at a table on you first date and you’re both having a great time, you probably won’t notice it, but her legs will be pointing towards you.
(Your legs will probably be pointing towards her as well)
That’s because our legs and feet point towards the thing or person they’re most interested in:
Take a look at the picture below and see if you can tell what’s happening:
All the guys above are interested in the woman. Meanwhile, the woman is standing in a neutral position which means she’s accepting all the attention.
If she changed her position and pointed her foot toward one of the guys, it’s a good indication that he’s the guy she’s interested in.
Leg position is a great sign as to who a girl is interested in.
Take a look at the photos below and see if you can tell where each person’s attention is, just by looking at their legs:
Or this one:
Or this one:
So on your first date be aware of where the woman’s legs are pointing – it will give you a clue as to how interested she is in you :)
4. Lean In
By now your meal has arrived and you’re on your second drink or so. Your conversation is flowing smoothly. You’re laughing and you’re feeling relaxed with each other. You’re even flirting a little.
By this time her body language is open and her eyes are stuck on you. If you’re observant you’ve noticed her legs pointing directly at you, and probably even see her play with her hair two or three times.
Seeing this positive body language of hers will make you feel good.
Then you say something really witty, or smart, or funny, or interesting. You’ve now got her full and undivided attention and she’s enjoying every moment with you.
Then she does something so simple yet so beautiful…
She leans in to you:
All the other body language signals were nice – they satisfied your logical understanding of body language.
But when she leans into you like she’s trying to soak up every moment with you…. damn, this will make you feel like a king :)
That’s because we know what the lean in means. It’s not complicated – she’s super-interested in you.
It doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to jump and ravage you physically, but on an emotional level, she’s enamored with you.
This also means you need to be mindful of your lean throughout your first date. At the beginning, you should have good posture with a slightly forward lean. It shows that you’re confident and interested, but not over-eager.
As the date goes on and the tension releases, you can lean in slightly more for a few moments here and there.
Before you know it, both of you will be so engaged in your fun and flirty moments that you’ll both have a connected lean in happening.
The lean in by a woman is incredibly beautiful, so when it happens on your date make sure you soak up the moment and feel like the king you are for just a little while… because you can be sure she’s feeling pretty good about things as well.
“We really clicked with each other, we’re very similar.”
When a girl goes home after a good first date and tells her friend that she clicked with you, she’s describing the fact that you matched each other verbally, emotionally, and physically.
Physically matching is what mirroring is.
You won’t realize it at the time, but when your date is really flowing you and the girl will match each other’s body language. It’s like there’s an imaginary line between you and her that reflects back at each other:
When she’s feeling a connection with you her body language will reflect yours. It’s like your words AND YOUR BODIES are in harmony with each other. They’re synchronized.
That’s what mirroring is.
You’ll be synchronized in your gestures, your stance, your facial expressions, and your movements.
It’s like when you’re talking to someone and you both take a drink at the exact same time. Or eat at the same time.
It’s because you’re in harmony with each other. You have a rapport. You you’ve clicked with each other. When that happens, your first date will flow so smoothly and beautifully.
When you notice that she’s mirroring you, take it as a great sign that she’s feeling connected to you.
It’s like she’s saying, “Look at me, I’m the same as you.” And that’s really powerful for attraction because we like people who are like us.
Okay, so you know that connection results in mirroring:
Rapport, liking, and bonding —> leads to —> mirroring
The cool thing is that it also works the other way:
Mirroring –> leads to —> Rapport, liking, and bonding.
That means if you subtly mirror the girl’s body language on your first date you’ll increase the chance that she’ll like you more.
It doesn’t mean you need to play a game of “Simon Says” and copy every single move she makes. All you need to do is gently mirror a few things she does, for example:
- Her body posture: If she leans to one side, then you can wait a little and move yourself into the same position as her, just for a while.
- Her facial expressions: If she’s telling you a story, you can gently reciprocate the facial expressions she conveys as she talks to you. Her big smile can be mirrored by you responding with a slight smile. Her surprise can be mirrored by you raising your eyebrows to reflect the same emotion.
These things tell her “I’m listening and I understand what you’re saying. We’re on the same page.”
To a woman on a first date, that’s a great feeling to have.
Again, these things are so small and not really noticeable to the untrained eye. But they are incredibly powerful and can greatly increase your success on your Tinder date.
6. The Face Platter
The time will come in your first date when you’re both totally smitten with each other.
Your doubts, your anxiety, and the nervousness you both had earlier are all long gone by this point. Now all you feel is the chemistry and connection you share.
It’s a great feeling!
You realize that you really like her. And she’s totally impressed by you. She’s hanging off every word you say.
When that happens, you’re likely to see her do this:
This is called the “Face Platter” because it’s like she’s presenting her face on a platter for you to admire.
This is a big sign of interest and it means that she’s admiring you, and in turn, wants you to admire her.
Again, the Face Platter a great sign that she really likes you and is loving the first date. Well done! :)
7. First Date Eyes
Before in #2 we spoke about sticky eyes, here’s another attraction signal from the eyes…
When you’re making her laugh and flirting with her, she’s going to give you a powerful body language signal.
But unless you look really hard, you’re going to miss it.
What is it?
Her pupils will dilate (get bigger) – it’s a sign that she’s emotionally excited, stimulated, and/or aroused by you.
Basically, she likes what she sees and feels while she’s with you. She’s attracted to you.
It’s pretty hard to recognize, so let me show you what you’ll be able to notice if you look hard enough:
Being excited, aroused, or stimulated can make her pupils increase by 3x to 4x the size they are normally. Pretty cool, huh?!
Below is another example of a pupil change in response to light – it shows that the size difference is subtle yet still obvious if you look close enough.
On your date when the woman is attracted to you, her pupils will remain consistently large because of her emotions.
These kind of emotions, and emotional signals, are why poker pro’s wear dark sunglasses when they’re playing – they don’t want people to read their emotions via their pupils and gain an advantage.
A girl with dilated pupils will give you that feeling of “I think she likes me,” even though you can’t put your finger on exactly why you think that. It’s an example of how you intuitively and subconsciously pick up body language cues.
Usually you’ll be too carried away in the moment of your first date to consciously notice these “first date” pupils, but if you can calm yourself for a second and look intently at them, you’ll notice.
It’s actually a little freaky the first time you see them so big! The first time I noticed a girl’s big pupils on a date it reminded me of this episode of The Simpsons:
And by the way, at this stage in your first date, your pupils will be dilated just like hers :)
8. Highlighting Her Body Parts
Now you’re both so incredibly attracted to each other that the rest of the world seems to fade away.
It’s like you and her are the only ones in the universe. Like time has slowed down to a standstill. Which is nice, because you never want this date to end.
I’m sure you know what I mean when I say this feels good.
(This is also the time when your chemistry can start to get a little sexual)
Now, even though your attention is so laser-focused on each other, you’ll still want more of it.
You want more of her attention, and she wants more of yours. You both can’t get enough of each other!
It’s no surprise. There is very little in this world that feels as good as getting attention from someone you’re attracted to.
To do this and gain more of your attention, it might mean that she puts her hand up to her mouth to draw attention to her lips (a sensitive an intimate area), like this:
It’s almost impossible for your eyes not to look at a woman’s lips when she does this!
Or she might firmly press one leg against the other and draw your attention to her legs by highlighting her muscle tone.
Or perhaps touching and rubbing her leg softly:
Maybe she gets your attention with a subtle Chest Thrust to promote her bust.
You want her attention and she wants yours. Unfortunately (or fortunately), she’s going to be much better at this game of attention than you (it’s not a bad thing!).
9. Self Touching
Just like she did with the lips, you might also see her give a fleeting touch to other delicate areas, like her neck…
The neck and wrist have the most delicate skin with a high concentration of nerve endings – it’s why they’re some of the most highly sensual/erotic body parts.
However, if she’s really comfortable with you, and if you’re in a private setting, and if she’s really emotionally stimulated, then these kind of movements will last longer. Her hand will linger in these sensitive areas while she continues to talk to you.
10. Touching You
Last by not least, when a girl is attracted to you she will initiate touch with you.
She’ll touch you incidentally to begin with, perhaps with multiple touches on the arm or shoulder as she makes her point in a conversation, like this:
If you’re not taking notice on your first date, these signs will easily pass you by because it’s all seems quite normal. But when you’re aware of what it means, a little bell will go off in your head each time it happens and alert you to what it signifies: attraction.
Things that she could easily do without touching you will suddenly begin to involve touch.
This next one is my favorites… She’ll laugh and playfully touch your arm, shoulder, or chest when you make a joke (even if it’s not very funny).
When the girl you’re on a date with touches you like this, you’re going to feel good!
It may even get better…
As the night continues and you scooch close to each other, her touching might go up another level. Her touches will last longer and become more intimate.
For example, her hand might find a new home on your leg, instead of on her own leg, like this:
When this happens on your Tinder first date, you can be sure she’s feeling great about you. A second date (or a longer night) with her is definitely on the cards.
First date body language isn’t hard, is it? You already know most of it intuitively.
But if you want to do better on Tinder first dates and be more confident, you also need to be consciously aware of her body language and yours.
When it comes to her, you don’t need to notice every little signal she gives off, especially not straight away. If you try to read all her body language tomorrow it will be like drinking from a fire hose.
It takes practice to get it all under control without much effort.
So on your next first date you should just keep it simple. To do that, here are two simple things you can focus on:
- Be aware and keep your body language open at all times. That means keeping your arms and legs uncrossed, and hands out of your pockets at all times. Doing this will help her feel comfortable and relaxed with you. It’ll also keep you calm and confident.
- Watch to see if she has open or closed body language during the date. At the start it’s probably going to be a little closed, that’s okay, she’s probably just nervous. Watch it open up as the date goes on and you’ll get more confident about how she feels about you.
And if you see her communicate some of those 10 attraction signals – great!
If you simply do those two easy things I mentioned your Tinder first date will go much better :)
Question: What attraction signals have you noticed on the dates you’ve been on so far? Tell me by leaving a comment in the section below.