5 Steps to Start a Tinder Conversation Smoothly EVERY Time

By | October 16, 2015

Some people know how to start a Tinder conversation smoothly every time and set themselves up for consistent success.

Others however, rarely get a reply from their first message.

I want you to be in that first group.

And if you follow the five simple steps in this post you’ll be well on your way to starting kick-ass Tinder conversations full of flirty banter.

You’ll see how you can easily create original Tinder openers (every time) and also find out how other tools will make you entertaining and interesting on Tinder (even if you’re not a natural).

Firstly, why do most guys fail when they start a Tinder conversation?

In order to rise above the Tinder pack you first need to understand why most guys fail when it comes to starting a Tinder conversation.

So a while ago we ran an experiment to see what types of messages a cute girl on Tinder receives…

Here’s the cute girl:

Emily's Tinder Profile - Openers and conversation starters - Tinderseduction (small)

And here are the messages she received:

How Tinder conversations are started

As you can see, half of the guys on Tinder aren’t initiating conversations. One out of every two guys won’t say a word, practically throwing away countless dates and hookups.

This is great because it means there’s plenty of opportunity for you to beat the rest of the pack… If you simply send the first message you’ll be ahead of half your competitors on Tinder!

And when it comes to the messages that girls get, 7 out of 10 of them are boring and generic!

If a girl receives 10 Tinder messages in a day, 7 of those are messages like hey, what’s up, how’s your day.

Unless they’re a male model, starting a Tinder conversation like that isn’t going to get them far!

Most guys fail to get a reply because they’re starting their Tinder conversations off in a boring way, saying the exact same thing as every other guy on Tinder.

And because the start of the conversation is boring, the rest of the conversation is boring as well.

But with 5 simple steps you’ll be able to stand out from the crowd and start a Tinder conversation successfully.

How to start a Tinder conversation successfully (and easily)

Starting a Tinder conversation the right way is incredibly easy, here’s how you do it…

Step 1 – Review your match’s profile before you start a Tinder conversation

Quickly review your match’s Tinder profile pictures and bio to get a feel for what type of person they are – it should only take 10 or 20 seconds.

What you’re looking for is something to reference when you start your conversation, a subject that you can base your opening message on.

You might notice that she has a unique hobby, or that there’s something funny about her photos, or something that the two of you have something in common. Whatever it is, just try and find something most guys wouldn’t comment on.

Occasionally there will be times when there’s nothing to reference (which we’ll cover later), but it’s always best to tailor your first Tinder message to your match’s profile whenever you can – it’ll help you stand out from the pack of thoughtless messages.

To demonstrate, here’s the Tinder profile of a girl, Jess:

Horse Profile Pictures

As you can see Jess’ Tinder profile above is quite plain, besides the horse photo. Horses appear to be a passion of hers, so that’s what we’ll use as a topic to for the start of our Tinder conversation.

But before we start the conversation with Jess, we need to follow the other steps.

Step 2 – Kick start your Tinder conversation by evoking emotion

If the first message you send evokes emotion in your Tinder match you’ll be more likely to catch her attention and receive a reply.

By creating emotion you’ll set yourself up for a banter-filled Tinder conversation that flows easily.

  • You can make her feel excited by complimenting her on something incredibly unique that no one else has ever complimented her on (but avoid physical compliments).
  • Make her feel happy by saying something funny.
  • You can surprise her by revealing that you have something strange in common.
  • You can make her feel a little insulted by making an honest and playful observation about her dress sense.

Or better yet, make her feel a complete array of emotion and she’ll be interested in you immediately.

On the other hand, a bland first message to a Tinder conversation will put you on the back foot early… or ruin your chances completely.

So back to our example with Jess – we’ll use the horse photo we observed in Step 1 to create a message that evokes emotion.

Horse Photo on Tinder profile

You could reference the photo and start the conversation with something like “Do you ride horses?” or “Is that your horse?”… But those questions are super-boring and they don’t create any emotion at all.

It’s not what we’re after.

So can you think of anything to say about a horse that will make Jess feel some type of emotion?

If you can’t think of anything off the top of your head, that’s OK… Neither could I.

That’s why I’ll use a tool called Dating App Cheat to come up with a great first message to send. This is an app (created by us) that has a list of Tinder openers to use in different situations…

Dating App Cheat - Start a Tinder conversation

Because horses are a reasonably common picture to have in a girl’s Tinder profile, especially around rural areas (and for rich girls), there’s an opener in there that we can use for that:

Tinder conversation starter -horse

That opener is pretty funny and playful so it’s likely to make her laugh and feel happy… perfect emotion.

Tinder conversation starter - Jess 1

It’s great if you can come up with your own openers to start the conversation, but Dating App Cheat is there if you need backup. You can simply alter the suggested openers to fit each Tinder match.

In this case I’m sure you’ll agree the line from Dating App Cheat is much better option than starting with something boring like “Do you ride horses?”

Create emotion in your Tinder match and you’ll have her complete attention.

Step 3 – The final touch: use your Tinder match’s name in your message

Scientist have found that using a girls name will literally make her brain light up!

Use it to your advantage – it’s an easy way to to tailor your message, attract her attention and begin building a rapport as soon as you start a Tinder conversation.

Here’s the example again, this time we add her name:

Jess Tinder Conversation start example 2

Step 4 – Be literate: check your message for spelling mistakes and slang

Don’t be lazy! Netspeak, bad grammar, and poor spelling are huge turn-offs and will ruin your results.

The online dating site OkCupid which analyses a huge amount of actual data on first messages revealed six main words that will leave a terrible first impression.

netspeak-chart Source: OkCupid

Poor language like this is a complete deal breaker.

In today’s world where every smartphone has auto-correct you have no excuses – be literate!

There are a few exceptions to the no-netspeak rule – it’s OK to use haha and lol, which actually improve your first message results.

Step 5 – Send your message!

By performing these steps you’ll start your conversation in confidence knowing you’re doing better than 95% of guys on Tinder.

Jess Tinder conversation starter 3

More often than not you’ll get a great reply which makes the rest of the conversation much easier:

Jess Tinder conversation starter 4

Pretty good result, don’t you think?

Of course, not every girl will like receiving a bold opener like that one, which means you need to be mindful of using the right kind of conversation starter depending on the kind of girl you’re talking to – every girl is different.

For example, if you think the girl is more reserved you might want to tone it down a little (but still make an impact and stand out.) In that case, here’s a message that will achieve that by making her feel good with a compliment:


You simply add in three observations about the girl and her profile, then close it off with the playful and flirty high-five comment.  Here’s that message in action when it’s been sent to Kim, another girl with a horse in her profile:


The lesson? Don’t just throw in any opener to any girl in the hope of creating emotion. Consider what type of personality she has and adjust your approach accordingly.

More Example Conversation Starters

Here are some more examples to help give you an idea on how to start your Tinder conversation.

Example Tinder Conversation Starter #1

Here are Stephanie’s profile pictures:

Tinder profile combined

There are probably a few items that I could have used as a reference to start a conversation with Stephanie – travel, the outdoors, food/dessert or running are all OK choices.

But I decided to use the koala (first picture) to start things off…
Koala Tinder line (1)

As you can see the conversation starts off smoothly – there’s nothing awkward or clunky about it.

Example Tinder Conversation Starter #2 – The General Opener

Sometimes it’s just too hard to pick something out of a girl’s profile to use as a conversation starter.

That’s fine – don’t try and force a reference to her Tinder profile.

In that situation, you can just select one of the general openers from Dating App Cheat to choose from – they’re openers that will start the conversation smoothly in any situation.

Dating app cheat general opener

These general openers are the ultimate backup when you’ve got nothing else to go with…

Screenshot of Siri Tinder Opener

Follow the main steps and you’ll start a great Tinder conversation like this every time.

(In that example I use Siri to get a girls number and a date – click here to see the rest of the conversation)

Example Tinder Conversation Starter #3

When you’re reviewing your match’s Tinder profile, pay close attention to the text in the Tinder bio area… sometimes it can help you out a lot.

Here’s a bio:

Tinder-Profile-bio-Julia (1)

Now you can see there’s a whole lot of use information in there that you can use to start your Tinder conversation.

But remember, it’s best to be unique.

So for Julia I opted to appeal to her status as a biology graduate, as well as reference her red dress that she was wearing in her main photo.

Julia-Tinder-gibberelic-acid (1)

The line worked well, but admittedly I was a little disappointed that my biology reference wasn’t her clear favorite.

…The “are you a koala?” line that she rated so highly – well someone else had used one of the lines from Dating App Cheat on her!

Are you a koala - tinder opening line (1)

Dating App Cheat is hard to beat!

A couple more tips for starting your Tinder conversation…

Avoid using physical compliments to start a Tinder conversation.

The guy who analyzes millions of online dating first messages explains this point perfectly…

You might think that gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them.

As we all know, people normally like compliments, but when they’re used as pick-up lines, before you’ve even met in person, they inevitably feel…ew. Besides, when you tell a woman she’s beautiful, chances are you’re not.

– Christan Rudder, OkCupid

You don’t get a reply to your first message? No Stress.

If you don’t receive a reply to your conversation starter immediately, don’t stress. It’s likely that she simply hasn’t seen your message – give it time.

Bombarding your match with messages will only demonstrate your impatience and insecurity.

If it’s been a day or three and you can see that she’s been active, then you can give a gentle follow up message to start the conversation.

If they still don’t reply, send another light message to start the conversation again.

Summary steps on how to start a Tinder conversation amazingly every time

The start of a Tinder conversation is supremely important – it sets the tone for the rest of the conversation.

You can say “Hey”, bore your Tinder match and set yourself up for conversation that will fizzle out.

Or you can create a flirty, banter-filled Tinder conversation by following these five steps.

Step 1 – Review your Tinder match’s profile pictures and bio.

Step 2 – Write a comment or question to evoke emotion (or copy one from Dating App Cheat).

Step 3 – Include your Tinder match’s name in the message.

Step 4 – Review your message for spelling mistakes and netspeak.

Step 5 – Send your message!

If you follow the principles and concepts that I’ve broken down in the five steps in this article, you’ll be able to start a Tinder conversation the right way every time, leading to interesting Tinder conversations and ultimately, more dates and hookups.

Are you an iPhone user?  Then you can download Dating App Cheat from the App Store here.

Are you an Android user? Then you can download Dating App Cheat from Google Play here (Just released!)


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